East Bay & Down: A Total BS Story About The Minero Fire
My totally fictional tale of yesterday’s Minero fire!
Indeed yours truly & CC were casually checking out (snooping) the progress of our new hermana restaurant when we came across a jar of peppers labeled “El sudor de la polla del Diablo”. Since we both earned “Gentlemen C’s” (which I think means “Yes”) in Spanish class we determined this label to mean, “Sweet Deviled Eggs”.
Quite quickly we realized we were way over our heads & that these peppers would test our Sriracha spoiled tolerance for what the Spanish call “El Frío” (wait, that’s not correct). I digress; after tasting nothing but pain, the real “butt pain” came when flames literally (yes, literally-exactly as it happened) shot out the backsides of our matching Billy Reid seer-sucker shorts igniting a lotion-soaked, framed picture of Lane’s hair that “Pretty-Pretty-RC” has stashed-you know the one-that he takes to the bathroom during his breaks.
Having anticipated this might happen (read: He was warned by G-Dubs in a dream the night before) Mr. “Welcome Back” was already standing there, pulled a Clark Kent & blew out the blaze with Frío (there it is) breath! But the Calendar Boys w/ their spotted dog & big red trucks still showed up & basically made my phone blow up all day & night as people began to hear the “news”.
Piso Mojado, y no un asiento seco en la casa
I know all you drink slingers & table jockeys on Upper King, Easy Bay St. & Fig were shitting because you thought an Army of James Beard Award WINNERS were going to be hired guns who were coming for your jobs. But have no fear, Everything is copacetic at 2 Unity: El Jefe, “Book-Em”, Bob Weir’s son & El-Wes-ãy all went & got CC & JET skull & cross-blossoms tattooed on their arms. Matty has no idea there was a fire or that it was Saturday yesterday! No damage, McCradys needed just a little clean up & was dialed in for service later that evening. And of course, the silver-lining is that Kurly & Hennessy both finally got their Charleston Fire Department Calendars autographed! Cheers!
Disclaimer: Everything above is fictional & for entertainment value only. Fires are serious & dangerous and can not be put out by cold breath-use a fire extinguisher & call 9-1-1.